In my junior high, the worst possible fate was to be a "fairy." Not a boy who was interested in boys -- we didn't have the slightest inkling that same-sex desire existed, anywhere in the world. A boy who suppressed his natural masculine instincts and pretended that he was a girl.
We didn't know why fairies pretended to be girls. Malice, stupidity, sheer perversity? But they were in deadly peril. Most obviously, every boy's sole reason for living was to get girls, and girls only liked real men.
But there was another, more sinister peril that the older boys whispered about: if you pretended to be a girl long enough, you might actually turn into a girl, or rather a swish, a nightmarish he-she creature.
Fairies had to be convinced to stop it! and act like boys again, by any means necessary. Friends tried gentle persuasion; enemies, catcalls and jeers; mean boys, public humiliation, and if that didn't work, pummeling in the schoolyard.
Teachers rarely intervened. After all, it was for the fairy's own good. He had to be convinced to stop it! and act like a boy again.
There were dozens of signs that you were a fairy, or in danger of becoming one. Here are the top 77:
Clothes1. A shirt with a little loop in back (called a fruit loop)
Before and After School
We didn't know why fairies pretended to be girls. Malice, stupidity, sheer perversity? But they were in deadly peril. Most obviously, every boy's sole reason for living was to get girls, and girls only liked real men.
But there was another, more sinister peril that the older boys whispered about: if you pretended to be a girl long enough, you might actually turn into a girl, or rather a swish, a nightmarish he-she creature.
Fairies had to be convinced to stop it! and act like boys again, by any means necessary. Friends tried gentle persuasion; enemies, catcalls and jeers; mean boys, public humiliation, and if that didn't work, pummeling in the schoolyard.
Teachers rarely intervened. After all, it was for the fairy's own good. He had to be convinced to stop it! and act like a boy again.
There were dozens of signs that you were a fairy, or in danger of becoming one. Here are the top 77:
2. An undershirt.
3. A green shirt.
4. A turtleneck sweater.
5. "High water" pants that revealed your socks.
6. Pants with buttons instead of a zipper.
7. Glasses
8. A bow tie.
9. Buttoning the top button of your shirt.
10. Jewelry, especially rings.
11. Being excessively neat.
Language and Deportment
3. A green shirt.
4. A turtleneck sweater.
5. "High water" pants that revealed your socks.
6. Pants with buttons instead of a zipper.
7. Glasses
8. A bow tie.
9. Buttoning the top button of your shirt.
10. Jewelry, especially rings.
11. Being excessively neat.
Language and Deportment
12. Wiggling hips
13. Hand gestures.
14. Wrist movements
14. Wrist movements
15. An enthusiastic voice (it must be angry or a monotone).
16. Using too many adjectives.
17. Using correct grammar.
16. Using too many adjectives.
17. Using correct grammar.
18. Talking to/ walking with girls.
19. Carrying books home with you.
20. Carrying a violin case home with you.
20. Carrying a violin case home with you.
21. Refusing to fight when challenged.
22. Fighting ineptly.
23. Crying for any reason.
22. Fighting ineptly.
23. Crying for any reason.
24. Telling a teacher or parent about bullying.
25. Carrying a pencil case.
26. Sitting in the front row.
27. Volunteering the answer to a teacher's question.
26. Sitting in the front row.
27. Volunteering the answer to a teacher's question.
28. Not referring to the teacher by her last name only ("Mrs. DeSmet" instead of just "DeSmet")
29. Taking French (a fairy language) instead of Spanish.
30. Using a protractor.
31. Having neat homework assignments.
32. Getting good grades on purpose (saying "I studied hard", for instance)
33. Worrying about/asking about grades.
Gym/Sports
34. Not going out for a sport.
35. Pretending to be ignorant of the results of last night's game.
36. Pretending to be ignorant of a player's statistics.
37. Calling gym "p.e. class"
38. Not being able to play a sport adequately.
39. Being selected last for a team.
40. Wearing a towel around your waist on the way to the showers.
41. Having insufficient muscles.
42. Having an insufficient penis.
43. Having insufficient pubic hair.
Leisure/Extracurricular Activities
44. Belonging to an academic organization (Spanish Club or Chemistry Club)
45. Participating in student government.
46. Playing in the band or orchestra.
47. Performing in student plays or musicals.
48. Studying dance.
49. Studying art.
50. Going to libraries, museums, art galleries, or concerts.
51. Not going bowling.
52. Watching The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, or any variety show.
53. Not watching Adam-12.
54. Listening to David Cassidy, the Captain and Tennile, or Elton John.
55. Not listening to The Eagles.
56. Reading teen magazines.
57. Not knowing about cars.
58. Not knowing about guns.
59. Disliking hunting, fishing, and camping.
60. Having never been on an airplane.
61. Having to be home before dark.
62. Calling your parents to tell them your whereabouts.
63. Hanging out with girls.
Lunch/Food
67. Eating jello.
68. Drinking chocolate milk.
69. Using a napkin instead of your sleeve.
70. Depositing apple cores in the trash instead of on the ground.
71. Eating in an excessively neat fashion.
72. Knowing how to cook.
Dating/Sex
73. Being a virgin.
74. Having sex with fewer than five girls per week.
75. Being attracted to athletic girls.
76. Dating a girl who is overweight or wears glasses.
77. Walking hand-in-hand with a girl.
Bonus (for Rock Island only)
78. Coming in through the back entrance of the school (past the girls' locker room).
79. Going to Little Caesar's (a pizza place next to a hair salon).
See also: Slow Dancing with Boys
31. Having neat homework assignments.
32. Getting good grades on purpose (saying "I studied hard", for instance)
33. Worrying about/asking about grades.
34. Not going out for a sport.
35. Pretending to be ignorant of the results of last night's game.
36. Pretending to be ignorant of a player's statistics.
37. Calling gym "p.e. class"
38. Not being able to play a sport adequately.
39. Being selected last for a team.
40. Wearing a towel around your waist on the way to the showers.
41. Having insufficient muscles.
42. Having an insufficient penis.
43. Having insufficient pubic hair.
Leisure/Extracurricular Activities44. Belonging to an academic organization (Spanish Club or Chemistry Club)
45. Participating in student government.
46. Playing in the band or orchestra.
47. Performing in student plays or musicals.
48. Studying dance.
49. Studying art.
50. Going to libraries, museums, art galleries, or concerts.
51. Not going bowling.
52. Watching The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, or any variety show.
53. Not watching Adam-12.
54. Listening to David Cassidy, the Captain and Tennile, or Elton John.
55. Not listening to The Eagles.
56. Reading teen magazines.
57. Not knowing about cars.
58. Not knowing about guns.
59. Disliking hunting, fishing, and camping.
60. Having never been on an airplane.
61. Having to be home before dark.
62. Calling your parents to tell them your whereabouts.
63. Hanging out with girls.
Lunch/Food64. Sitting with girls in the cafeteria.
65. Carrying a lunch box instead of a paper bag.
66. Eating grapes.67. Eating jello.
68. Drinking chocolate milk.
69. Using a napkin instead of your sleeve.
70. Depositing apple cores in the trash instead of on the ground.
71. Eating in an excessively neat fashion.
72. Knowing how to cook.
Dating/Sex
73. Being a virgin.
74. Having sex with fewer than five girls per week.
75. Being attracted to athletic girls.
76. Dating a girl who is overweight or wears glasses.
77. Walking hand-in-hand with a girl.
Bonus (for Rock Island only)
78. Coming in through the back entrance of the school (past the girls' locker room).
79. Going to Little Caesar's (a pizza place next to a hair salon).
See also: Slow Dancing with Boys
38/77, though it was more guessing for a few. (I was really late on hair, even as the rest of my body looked adult. Also, I always liked Hotel California.)
ReplyDeleteWait, a green shirt? I would've thought my purple number was sus.
How did they screw five girls a week without talking to them?
So I can bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, but iron doesn't hurt.
I don't recall boys wearing purple, lavender, or pink shirts at all. Maybe they didn't sell boys' shirts in those colors. But I was in junior high at the tail end of the hippie era, so you'd expect a few "mod" colors.
DeleteIn my high school years 1966- 1969 in Southern standard dress for guys was JC Penney shite Towncraft t-shirt and Levis 501s. If you wore a top shirt or any other kind of pants there was something wrong with you.
ReplyDelete