The 10 Dumbest Lines on Dating App Profiles

We've all seen them: a nice photo, reasonable stats, but an ignorant, insipid, vague, cliche-filled profile.  Either the guy is as dumb as a bag of bricks, or he figures no one will read the profile anyway.

Guess what?  People do.

Here are the dumbest lines I've seen on dating app profiles recently:











1. Love the outdoors.

Personally, I would be perfectly happy to live in an underground city and never see the sun, but if you like being out in all that infinite space, at least tell us what you like to do out there.  Surely you don't just stand there thinking "There's nothing solid between me and Alpha Centauri."  Do you enjoy swimming, tennis, hunting, jai alai?

2. Goodlooking guys to the head of the line.

That "head of the line" phrase is the utmost in pretension -- no way anybody is going to get so many hookup requests that they line up.  And "goodlooking" is in the eye of the beholder.

3. Anything you want to know, just ask!

Without more information, how can I know what to ask?  Do you like your eggs over easy or scrambled?  How many guys have you had in your bed at the same time? Do you enjoy British costume dramas?  Why are you carrying a Chinese pingpong paddle?

4. If I don't respond, it means I don't think we're compatible.  Don't get mad -- we all have a type. 

Too much information.  I know what a lack of response means, thanks.  Did someone, once, out of all the thousand guys he didn't respond to, take offense?

5. I like having a good time.

Oh, sorry, I hate having a good time.  We're not compatible.

More after the break

6. I believe in living life to the fullest.

Sorry, I prefer guys who live life to the half-full.  Running around like a maniac eight hours a night gets old fast. Sometimes you need a little rest.

7. I care about my body and expect you to do the same.

Way to make me feel guilty over that doughnut I had last week.  If you're into bodybuilders, just say so, don't make conclusions about the degree of personal self-awareness of everyone who can't bench 560.

8. Like erg-8, km rj with m30-mav. 

Is this about a video game, a model car, a pop star, or his penis?  Who does he expect to impress with gibberish?

9. Be 18-21, hot, hung, muscular, and a top.

There are only two guys like that in the whole city, and they're dating each other.   Being a little more realistic would reduce the number of dateless nights.

10. I'm into almost everything, mild to wild.

Chances are this means he's an anal bottom.  Mention BDSM, and he'll run away screaming.